Sarcastic Quotes
Here is a collection of the best sarcastic quotes you'll find anywhere. As the list has grown longer, I realized that not all good quotes have to be sarcastic, so I've added a page of just simply funny quotes. Hopefully you'll enjoy these as much as the sarcastic quotes.
“It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.”
- Paul Newman
“I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.”
- Stephen Bishop
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
- Abba Eban
“No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.”
- Groucho Marx
“How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.”
- Groucho Marx
“A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.”
- Groucho Marx
“Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!”
- Groucho Marx
“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
- Groucho Marx
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
- Groucho Marx
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
- Groucho Marx
“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”
- Groucho Marx
“I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.”
- Groucho Marx
“The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.”
- Frank Zappa
“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
- Oscar Wilde
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
- Oscar Wilde
“I am not young enough to know everything.”
- Oscar Wilde
“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”
- Oscar Wilde
“He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.”
- Victor Borge
“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
- Mark Twain
“Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.”
- Golda Meir
“If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.”
- George Carlin
“The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!”
- Ashleigh Brilliant
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”
- Ashleigh Brilliant
“I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.”
- Ashleigh Brilliant
“A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. ”
- Abba Eban
“I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!”
- George Bernard Shaw
“I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.”
- Oscar Wilde
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
- Oscar Wilde
“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”
- Oscar Wilde
“To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”
- Oscar Wilde
“Why was I born with such contemporaries?”
- Oscar Wilde
“The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.”
- Victor Borge
“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.”
- Mark Twain
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
- Mark Twain
1 comments:
limshaku
November 5, 2011 at 12:13 AM
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1
Good collection.
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